Let's Ruin our Frienship
by FriendlyneighborhoodSatan
Summary: Dean liked Cas in the same way he liked men, a liking that you hide, only expressing behind locked doors and in the pitch black dark. Only when his father was on a business trip, or passed out drunk. Only when his brother Sammy was at science club like the little geek he was, would Dean allow himself to delve into the dark private recesses of his mind where he kept Cas.
1. Confessions

Dean liked Cas in the same way he liked men, a liking that you hide, only expressing behind locked doors and in the pitch black dark. Only when his father was on a business trip, or passed out drunk. Only when his brother Sammy was at science club like the little geek he was, would Dean allow himself to delve into the dark private recesses of his mind where he kept Cas.

Dean hoped that he could get away with all the touching, and the staring, and the affectionate laughter, passing it off as Cas being his closest friend, but sometimes he thought he was painfully obvious, and that someone was sure to figure him out.

He was acutely aware that his _infatuation_ or whatever was a problem. He needed to keep it a secret. He needed to somehow stop it before his father found out. Dean _really _didn't want another repeat of the Benny incident, his father had left bruises lasting for weeks. Besides, Dean Winchester was _not _gay. He couldn't afford to indulge himself.

He was going to fix it, he was determined.

Maybe not today though, because the minute he heard his cell phone blaring Cas's tone, he dove to grab the phone, answering immediately. "Hey Cas." He said, trying not to sound winded. "Hello Dean." Cas answered. Dean's breath hitched in his throat as Cas's deep, gravelly voice came from his IPhone speakers. "Are you home alone?" Cas asked. Dean began to nod, before realizing that Cas couldn't see him over the phone. "Yeah" he croaked. He could almost feel Cas's small smile on the line. "I'm coming over." The boy told him, before promptly hanging up. Dean quickly ran to the bathroom, checking his hair, and trying to look presentable for Cas. "_God what am I doing?" _he asked himself, changing from his ripped Metallica shirt into a plain gray one. "_you're fucking disgusting Winchester._' He thought, nervously waiting for Cas's arrival. "_he's your godamned best friend." _ These thoughts really weren't helping, but Dean hoped they could inspire him to have some self-control.

Dean ran downstairs to the kitchen, hoping to appear casual as he waited for his friend. "_Jeez, I'm a goner."_ He thought bitterly. He wrung his hands together, digging his nails into his palm, in an effort to stop the train of thought. Before he knew it however, he found himself picturing Cas naked, and submissive on the living room couch. He mentally groaned as his nether regions perked to life in his boxers. "_fuck"_ he thought. He dug his nails further into the flesh of his palm. He took a deep breath, then stood up to get a beer. He was going to have to be very drunk for this. His doorbell rang. "_shit."_ He muttered under his breath. It was Cas. Dean answered the door, a slightly forced smile on his face. "Hello Dean." Cas said. Once again, his deep voice sent a warm shiver down Dean's spine, settling in his stomach. Dean stepped back from the door, allowing Cas to walk in. The trench-coated boy immediately grabbed a beer from Dean's fridge, and sat down on the couch. Dean chuckled. "You just got here and you're already stealing my beer Cas." He joked nervously. Cas gave him a small smile, the one that made Dean's heart go double time. "Star Trek marathon?" he suggested, turning his big blue puppy eyes onto Dean. The sandy blonde nodded, going for another swig of beer to settle his feelings. Cas pulled the first Star Trek re-vamp DVD out of his bag, and tossed it at his friend, who caught it easily. Dean inserted the DVD, settling on the opposite end of the couch from Cas. He set his beer on the coffee table, glancing at Cas as he looked away. He went to take a drink, only to discover that his beer was empty. He sighed, and got up to get a new one. He quickly drained that one as well.

By the time they were on Into Darkness, Dean was drunk, having had something close to seven beers. The volume of the movie was down, and Cas could hear Dean muttering to himself. He paused the movie, turning to face Dean. "I can't do this." The boy was saying. Cas leaned in, trying to hear what Dean was going on about. "Oh, god. Dad's gonna kill me. 'specially after he caught me kissing' Benny behind the school in 9th grade." He slurred, beginning to talk more to Cas then himself. Cas's eyes grew the size of dinner plates. "Benny?" he asked quietly. "Benny Laffite?" Dean nodded, looking ashamed. Cas felt a slight burning in his stomach. He needed Dean to be sober for this. He needed to know. Cas ran to the kitchen, grabbing a big glass of water. He poured it over Dean's head, looking a bit pissed. Dean gasped, feeling more sober immediately. "Cas what the hell?" he asked, trying to ignore how some of the water had gotten on Cas, rendering his shirt almost see-through. "I'm sorry. You were rambling, I didn't want you to say anything you'd regret telling me." Cas replied. Dean suddenly felt very ill, the color was draining from his face. "_fuckfuckfuckfuck-he's gonna kill me-fuckfuckfuck" _ Dean thought incoherently. "What did I say" he asked, voice nothing but a nervous whisper. Cas looked up to meet his eyes. "Something about Benny. You said you kissed him." Cas replied, tilting his head. Dean was relieved t see his friend looked more confused that angry or disgusted. He nervously rubbed at the back of his neck, trying to look away from Cas's magnetic blue eyes. "Yeah." He sighed, glancing down at the floor. "It was 9th grade, we uh- we kinda had a thing goin' but uh- Dad caught us kissing behind the school one day. He was pretty pissed, an' he told me if I ever pulled somethin' like that again he'd kill me." Dean explained, a pained expression on his face. Cas's eyes widened further, shocked by his friend's sudden revelation. "Oh! I-I'm so sorry Dean. I didn't mean to bring up a sensitive topic for you, I just didn't know that you were gay, I though-" Dean cut him off with a hard look. Castiel fell quiet. "Yeah, alright? Yeah. I'm a fucking fag. I'm gonna fix it though, Cas please don't hate me." He pleaded. Castiel gave him a look that he couldn't quite read. "at least you had the courage to own up to it." He said quietly. "At least you haven't been sneaking around, kissing the British exchange student behind the school. At least you didn't pretend to date Meg Masters for a whole year just because you're afraid of your elder brother." Cas said. Dean stared, biting his lip as to not get his hopes up. "you, you sound like you speak from experience Cas." He said, more of a question that a statement. Cas gave him one single nod. "oh. Fuck, I'm sorry Cas. I didn't mean to-" Dean cut himself off, unsure of what to say. Castiel sighed warily. "are you sure?" Dean asked quietly. Cas nodded shakily. "Are you?" Cas countered. Dean nodded.

"You've kissed a guy right?"

"Yeah."

"Me too."

"Have you ever done it with a guy?"

"N-no. Have you?"

"No. Do you want to?"

With each word, they leaned closer to each other, until finally, their noses were touching. They were both breathing hard, pulses racing and heads pounding. None of them were quite sure who initiated it, but suddenly they were kissing with a passion and level of lust they never thought themselves capable of. They were panting, feeling like they were trying to breathe each other in, tongues lashing in a battle for dominance. They fell back on the couch, giving in to the lust and temptation that had haunted them for so long.


	2. Regrets

They didn't speak for a while after that night of passion. For Dean, it was mostly out of guilt. Guilt for giving in to the temptation, guilt for taking his best friend's virginity, guilt for not say "I love you" even after all of that. Guilt and shame. He couldn't be doing this, not now, not ever. When his father had threatened to kill him, Dean knew that he didn't mean it figuratively. If it ever came out that Dean had lost his V-card to a guy, his father would literally beat him to death. Call Dean crazy, but he didn't want to die over a stupid crush. Even one that had lasted for 5 years, and was quickly evolving into something more.

It was weird not speaking to Cas every day, but Dean knew he should get used to it. After all, even if he could forgive himself, Cas probably hated him by now.

The first day was hardest. Dean wandered around in a daze, trying not to look anyone in the eye. He ate lunch away from his usual friends, too wrapped in his own bitterness to hold conversation. Several people came up to him, asking what was wrong, but Dean just shook his head.

The next day was a little easier. He sat with his friends again, although he was very quiet as opposed to his normal dominating the conversation. By now everyone had guessed that he just wanted to be left alone.

On the third day of his self-imposed solitude, Cas cornered him in the men's bathroom, demanding that they talk things out.

"What the hell Dean?" he demanded, looking deeply into his best friend's eyes. "You just fell of the radar! You won't talk to anyone, you're acting petty." Castiel scolded. Dean tried to avoid Cas's eyes. "You don't understand Cas." He muttered, trying to push his way past him. Cas stopped him, slamming the blonde boy against the wall. Dean tried not to think of the lasttime him and Cas had been in that position. "Look, Dean. Whatever I did, I'm sorry. Truly. I thought you wanted it as much as I did." Cas said. Dean clenched his fists, squeezing his eyes shut. "Don't you get it Cas? I did want it. That's the problem. I'm not- I can't be- I'm not supposed to feel like that Cas. Ever." He explained, cheeks turning red with shame and anger. "I'm supposed to be fixing myself, not making it worse! What if I'm stuck like this Cas? Huh? Then what do I do!?" He demanded.

Cas, who had stayed silent through his whole rant, finally spoke up. "I don't think you can, Dean. Believe me, if there was a way I would have found it by now." He said quietly. Dean sighed. "Well, if I can't fix it, I just need to stop seeing you. I'm sorry Cas. It'd be better off if we didn't talk anymore." He said, voice sounding heavy with despair and anger. Cas nodded, unable to meet his friend's green eyes. "Alright." He said, slowly walking away. "But for what it's worth, thank you Dean. For everything." He began to exit the bathroom with those words. Dean wasn't even aware that he had grabbed Cas's arm until it already happened. "wait, Cas." He said, forcing his best friend to look at him. "Yes Dean?' he asked quietly, boring holes in Dean's soul with those blue eyes. Dean's heart rate felt like it had increased by a tenfold, and he was blushing awfully. Again, Dean was unsure of who initiated the kiss, but he was glad someone did, because this one was almost better than the first.

Their tongues fought for dominance, Cas unwilling to give up this time, and Dean trying to pour all his emotions, both good and bad, into what he assumed would be their final kiss. The two boys began to press themselves even further into each other, banging into the wall of the nearest stall. A quiet moan escaped from the blonde boy's lips, almost inaudible, as it was muffled by Castiel's mouth against his.

The blonde ran his hands through Cas's silky dark hair, tugging on the strands like a life line. Cas tried not to yelp as Dean gave his hair a particularly sharp tug. They grinded into each other, desperate for the contact that would relieve their now achingly hard erections. The dark-haired boy let out a pleased mewl as Dean managed to press his free hand onto the front of Cas's jeans, other hand curled possessively around his neck. They broke apart, breathless and desperate for air. Dean took the opportunity to drag his eyes over Castiel's form.

The boy couldn't help but smirk as he viewed Cas's unbuttoned shirt, ruffled hair, and the bulge in his jeans. A shark-like grin graced his features for a mere second, before his mouth once again became busy with the licking and sucking of Cas's neck. The younger boy was making needy little gasps as Dean expertly nipped at his neck and collarbone. Cas began attacking his shirt, ripping off the faded gray tee as if his life depended on getting Dean undressed. In a moment of weakness, Dean abandoned Cas's neck, instead using his free hand to slowly undo the button of Castiel's pants, springing free the boy's stiff cock. The boy sucked in a shocked breath at the feeling of relief this brought.

The predatory smile was back on Dean's face, as the blonde sunk to his knees ever so slowly, not breaking Cas's eye contact the whole time. In one swift motion, Dean yanked down Castiel's boxers, and began to lick a slow, wet line from the base to the head of the brunette boy's dick. Cas let out a lewd moan, one that surely the whole school could hear. Neither of the boys could find it in themselves to care. Cas tipped his head back, as Dean took the tip of his cock into his mouth, swirling it around like a lollypop. The younger boy fisted at Dean's short hair, desperately trying to find something to hold onto as Dean took more of him into his mouth, until he had almost the entirety of Cas's penis in his mouth.

The blonde let out a ragged moan, letting it vibrate through Castiel's very being. Cas was panting hard, and he could feel his climax approaching like an oncoming truck. Dean, sensing that Cas was going to cum, adjusted himself so as to swallow more of it. The older boy gave one last, particularly hard suck and Cas was cumming all down Dean's throat, who greedily lapped it up like fucking candy. Castiel rode out his orgasm, letting out a sound that was something between a yell and a groan. As Cas came down, Dean let the softening cock slip out of his mouth, a satisfied smirk on his handsome features as he watched his friend.

Dean began to gather paper towels, wiping the cum from Castiel's stomach and the floor. The brunette watched him, stare penetrating Dean's soul as usual, but this time with a darker edge to it. Dean glanced up at his best friend, eyes questioning. "Somethin' wrong Cas?" He asked, in a way that said he already knew the answer. Cas helped the blonde up, pulling him to his full height before beginning to speak again. "We should not have done that." Cas said, gaze more sympathetic than anything. Dean sighed, looking as if the consequences of what they'd just done had only just hit him right then. "Yeah, I know Cas. I'm sorry." Dean replied, looking beaten down and defeated. Castiel cupped Dean's face in his hands, forcing him to look straight ahead. "Don't be. " Castiel said, gravelly voice resonating with authority. Dean shuffled his feet, guilt playing on his features. Castiel focused his glare onto Dean, making the boy smile slightly. Finally, he said. "You know Cas. If –uh- if you don't mind, we should do this again sometime." Cas smiled at the suggestion, nodding once before swiftly exiting the bathroom, leaving a very stunned and confused Dean in his wake.

Over the course of the next week, this happened again twice, both resulting in a very guilty but satisfied Dean, and an embarrassed but smug Castiel. The second time, they tried to keep the noise down, having promised each other that no one would ever find out about their little arrangement, but by the third time they had simply given up.

To others, it simply looked as if Dean and Cas had started talking again, although very awkwardly. No one was aware of the fact that Dean was so wracked with guilt sometimes he wanted to just die, but he supposed that was the price if he wanted to keep up this _thing_ with Cas.

The boys still hadn't labeled it, although Dean insisted the term "Fuck buddies" was most accurate. Dean still hadn't said _I love you_ so he doubted that it could be something like "boyfriends". And Dean was fine with that. Really.

It's just that somewhere along the way, Dean's feelings for Cas had evolved into something like love, and complete devotion. He found that he would do anything for Cas, he loved him. Trusted him almost as much as he trusted Sammy.

Dean's life really had improved, now that he was through with hiding his sexual desires for his best friend. Well, to him at least. The two of them were still insistent on keeping their sexualities under wraps. Dean hadn't even told Sam.

But one night, while John was at the bar, and Sammy was at his friend Gabe's, things changed again.

Dean was on his couch, waiting for Cas to show up to their so-called "sleepover" with a beer in hand. He was a bit worried, as Cas was never late for anything. He tapped his foot nervously, nearly jumping out of his skin when the doorbell rang. He rushed to the door, trying to plaster a smile over the look of slight irritation and concern that he was currently wearing.

Castiel rushed in, not even taking time to say hi before he was grabbing a beer from Dean's fridge. "Whoa, you alright there Cas?" he asked, eyebrows raised. Castiel gave him a miserable look. "Sorry I'm late, Dean. Michael was giving me the whole interrogation. I thought I could get away with sneaking out, but he found my journal, and he- he. Fuck! I don't think I can go back Dean, he looked like he hated me- called me a faggot and I- I just- can I stay the weekend?" he stuttered, trying to explain the current situation to no avail. "Hang on, slow down, what's wrong Cas?" Dean asked, worry creeping into his warm tone. Castiel took a deep breath, wiping the moisture from his red eyes. "It's Michael. He found my journal, he knows about us Dean. I- I'm so sorry. I tried to deny but he h-he just called ma a faggot and told me to get out. I'm so sorry!" Castiel cried.

Dean's eyes widened as he processed this information. "Fuck." He muttered, looking a bit shell-shocked. He walked over to where Cas was standing, and pulled the boy into a hug, tightly enveloping him like serein wrap. Castiel melted into Dean's embrace, trying his absolute hardest not to cry. Dean began to rub soothing circles on Cas's back, humming under his breath in an attempt to calm not only Cas but himself as well. "It's not your fault, ok? He was gonna find out somehow, I guess I just thought we had more time." Dean said.

This only caused Cas to cry harder. "Dean I'm so sorry! I ruined everything for you. Michael's gonna tell your dad, a-and I'll never see you again, and it's all my fault! I took advantage of you and I- I'm just really sorry." Cas finished in nothing but a broke whisper. Dean pulled away, holding Cas at arms length to look at him. "Cas, it's not your fault. I was definitely apart of this. And, you didn't take advantage of me Cas. I _wanted_ to be with you. Hell, I still do. I –I uh- I really fucking love you, ok? So don't beat yourself up. If Michael knows, Dad should know to. I don't care anymore, we can run away if we have to, got it?" Dean said, staring into those unearthly blue eyes.

Castiel cracked a small smile. "If we ran away, we'd have to take Sam with us." He said, looking up to meet Dean's eyes. The blonde smiled. "Yeah, of course we'd bring Sammy! It'd be like a road trip, we'd see the Grand Canyon." He joked, attempting to mask the pain and seriousness of the situation. Castiel's smile grew a bit more, corners of his mouth turning up reluctantly. The boys inched towards each other, almost a second away from passionate kissing, when the door blew open, John Winchester stumbling in.


	3. Rumors

Their eyes snapped up, staring anxiously at the drunken form of John Winchester in the doorway. He stumbled into the living room, looking around. "Where's Sam?" he demanded, shuffling over to Dean and Cas. "Uh, he's sleeping over at Gabriel's house. You know, the little blonde guy?' Dean said, trying not to let his voice betray any guilt.

John leaned into Dean's space, which he found much more pleasant when Cas did it. "What?" he asked, voice low and dangerous. "You didn't have my permission to authorize that. Bring him back." John instructed, offering no room for debate. Dean, like the idiot he was, protested anyway. "But Dad, it's two in the morning! I can't just-" John pinned him up against the back of the couch, causing Castiel to clench his fists to keep from punching him. "Go and bring Sam home. Now. And take your friend back to his house while you're at it." He said, releasing Dean from his grip. "Yes sir." Dean said. He grabbed Cas's wrist, not daring to hold his hand, and dragged him out the door.

Dean slid into the driver's seat, Cas getting into the back and lying down, taking up all the space in the row. Dean raised an eyebrow. "I'm tired." He explained. Dean couldn't help the smirk that appeared at the thought of why Cas could be so _tired_. It was quickly taken over by a worried frown though, furrowing his brow. "Cas, look. I-I'm really sorry about my Dad. I thought he was gonna be out. I wouldn't have invited you if-" Dean was cut off by Castiel's voice from the backseat. "It's fine Dean. It's not your fault. I'll find somewhere else to sleep, Anna's place maybe.' He reassured his friend. Dean looked at Cas, misery and guilt written on his face. "And, for the record Dean? I love you to." He said, somewhat quieter. Despite the situation, Dean couldn't help but grin as he pulled Baby out of the driveway.

They were silent for a few seconds, with Dean sneaking glances at Cas it the rear view mirror. Finally, Cas broke the silence. "So, does that make you my boyfriend now?" he asked shyly. "Yeah, if you want." Dean replied nervously. Cas nodded. Dean smiled. "Then, yeah I am." He said, smiling faintly.

They pulled into Gabriel's driveway, Dean trying desperately not to hit the trashcan. Cas smirked, and lied back down on the seat. "Wait here." Dean said, going up the front door of the house. Cas saw him say something to the kid's mother, before entering the house. He was in there for what felt like forever, but couldn't have been more than a few minutes. Dean returned with Sam, pouting and looking peeved off. The younger boy reluctantly climbed into the shotgun seat, sighing dramatically.

"So Sammy, did'ya have fun?" Dean said, in an effort to distract him. Cas kept quiet, not seeing it fit to make his presence known. Sam nodded. "yeah, Gabriel had Balthazar over too, you know, the British exchange student? They were saying that apparently everyone heard some guys going at it in the school bathroom two days ago." Sam said, smirking slightly. Dean's head snapped up, eyes wide. Castiel nervously played with the belt on his trench-coat. "And you'll never guess who they think it was!" Sam continued. Dean choked on air. "R-really. Who do they think it was?" Sam gave Dean a slightly satanic grin. "Cas." He said, eyes lighting with amusement.

Dean swerved violently, whipping his head around to glare at his little brother. Sam laughed from the passenger seat. Cas tried to shrink into the seats, making himself small as to not be noticed. "W-what makes you say that?" Dean asked, panicking slightly. Sam grimaced. "Balthazar said he would recognize Cas's moan anywhere." He said, sounding disgusted. Dean glared, jealousy flaring in the pit of his stomach. "He would not!" Cas burst out, not thinking. Both boys whipped around to face the backseat. Cas turned red. "C-cas. Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't think you were-" Sam's voice faded away, looking apologetic. Cas shook his head, sighing a bit. "It's fine Sam. Not your fault." He said. Dean interrupted the conversation angrily. "Yeah, it is your fault. Teach you not to gossip 'bout my friends. Bitch." Dean said, glaring at his brother. "And next time someone says that shit about Cas, tell 'em it's not true." The older Winchester instructed. Sam sighed, while Cas turned a furious red color. "What if it is though?" Sam shot back, smirking. Dean looked ready to murder someone, while Cas was looking for a whole to die in. Dean yanked the car to the side of the road, stopping her at a curb. "Now listen here Sam, It's not true, ok? So keep your bitch nose out and don't bring it up again, or I swear I will shove a shotgun so far up your ass it'll poke out your throat, got it?" Sam rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Jerk. No need to get defensive." He muttered. Dean gave him one last glare, before taking off down the highway again, switching the radio to a classic rock station. It was clear to both Sam and Cas that he didn't want to continue the conversation. Finally, they pulled up to Anna's house. Cas got out, and rung the doorbell nervously. Dean watched as the redhead let him in, giving him a hug as she ushered him into her house. Dean watched the door, making sure Cas got in safely before speeding off into the night.

When they got home, John Winchester was passed out cold. Dean wrinkled his nose in disgust, prodding his father's form with the toe of his boot. He was out like a light. Sam sighed, reluctantly setting his sleepover bag on the table. "Get to bed Sammy." Dean instructed his brother. Sam nodded, and slumped off to bed. Meanwhile, Dean opened up a beer, and sat down on the couch. He sighed. Cas loved him back. He smiled. "_why are you smiling you sick fuck, he got kicked out of his house._" He reprimanded himself. "_He's staying with crazy Anna Milton because of you._" Dean felt like shit about the whole thing. This was all his fault.

The blaring ring of his cell phone shook him from his thoughts. Dean glanced nervously at his comatose father, sighing in relief when he saw that John was still unconscious. He then hurried to pick up the phone.

"Hello Dean." Said Cas's gravel voice. Dean perked up immediately. "Hey Cas. You alright?" he asked. "Yes I am fine Dean. I miss you though." He replied. Dean could hear the soft smile in his voice. "How can you miss me, it's only been five minutes." He teased. Cas laughed. "I don't know, I just do. Besides, it was my understanding that I am allowed to do this now that you're my boyfriend." He replied. Dean smiled, feeling a jolt of excitement and fear shoot through his spine at the word. _Boyfriend. _"Yeah, Cas, you're allowed to pull this kinda stuff now. Besides, I miss you too. I wanna know how you convinced Anna to let you spend the night, where you're gonna stay after this. " he said, concern occupying his mind once again. Castiel sighed. "Well, I certainly can't go home. I could try my elder brother, Balthazar… He was kicked out years ago, not exactly the religious type." Cas mused, hint of a smile in his voice. Dean smiled, feeling Cas's voice wash over him, making him relax. The blonde began to nod off, head drooping onto the arm of the couch. "Dean? Are you going to sleep?" Cas asked. Dean grunted in response. "Well, goodnight Dean." He said softly. "Yeah." Dean agreed. "Goodnight Cas,"


End file.
